"Losing my Life to Find it" (Matthew 16:25)—It's not just a Paradox

This week’s episode stirred something deep in me, Reader.
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As I edited my conversation with Teacher and Evangelist, Gordon Ferguson, I found myself listening not just with my ears, but with my heart.

​[Listen to the full episode here.]​

We talked about aging, illness, and death—but not as punishments or things to fear. Rather, as invitations to live more fully, freely, and faithfully.
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Lately, I’ve felt God inviting me to let go of many of the identities I’ve held onto—achiever, dreamer, doer, helper. In order to become who God is forming me to be, I’ve had to shed these layers. It hasn’t been easy. It’s felt like becoming nobody.
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“He must become greater; I must become less.” – John 3:30
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This week, I let myself sit in that space—unseen, unaccomplished, unstriving. Just being. And oddly enough, in that quiet surrender, I felt something unexpected: lightness. Freedom. Even a little joy. No pressure. No need to impress. Just presence—with God, with myself, with my family, with life.
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“Jesus… made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant.” – Philippians 2:7
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I still have dreams. But maybe I don’t need to chase them in the way I thought. Maybe the very act of surrender is what makes room for something new and true to emerge.
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In this episode, Gordon and I talk about:
• What death teaches us about life
• Aging and illness as spiritual tools—not punishments
• Why we fear death—and how God meets us in that fear
• Practical ways to prepare for our departure with love and clarity
• Servanthood as the model of godly leadership
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I also share a story about working in real estate with Ryan Serhant, and I reference Ryan Holiday’s book, The Obstacle Is the Way, a reminder that what stands in our way (such as our very own mortality) may actually be the way forward (to a full life).
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A powerful takeaway from this episode:
Instead of asking “What do I want to do today?”
We can ask:
"God, what’s on Your heart today?
How do You want me to participate in Your plans?"
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Something always shifts when we ask those questions, Reader.
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If you’re in a season where you feel invisible, uncertain, or like your life isn’t “adding up,” I hope this encourages you:
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You are not special because of what you produce or prove.
You are special because you are God’s.
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“I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” – John 10:10
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With love and light,
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Alexandra ✗⚬ﾒ𝟶

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